Now That's Entertainment
by greengirl82
Summary: What could be worst then getting a gift that you never wanted? How about losing the remote to it? Two shot humor fic.
1. What's Vibrating?

**Now That's A Entertainment**

Disclaimer: CBS owns Criminal Minds, of course...

Summary: What could be worst then vibrating panties? How about losing the remote to them?

Timeline: AU Present Day

Special Thanks To: "**a**" the anonymous reviewer, for her sick, sick mind. You know I love it. ;)

A/N: So this prompt just screamed 'do it' and I couldn't resist. Enjoy.

Thanks for reading, I do sincerely hope there will be some reviews...

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><p>"It is a curious fact that people are never so trivial as when they take themselves seriously." Oscar Wilde<p>

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><p>Emily sat in the locker room staring at the offending item in the bag in front of her.<p>

"What the hell is that thing?" Emily asked looking up at her two friends, "Is this some kind of a joke?"

JJ leaned over the brunette's shoulder, chuckling, "Looks like someone wants you to have a good time."

Glaring at the petite blonde, Emily picked up the card on the inside and held it up, reading the note.

Emily's eyes went wide as she looked up at Garcia, "You?"

"You what?" Garcia said trying to sound casual then shrugged, "Ah hell, I'm not even going to deny it. Gumdrop, since you're so picky with your men, I want to save you from a life spared with frozen dinners and cats."

"So you got me erotic underwear? They vibrate? A remote?" Emily asked scrunching her nose at the idea, "What the hell is the matter with you?"

"Well at least you'll save a fortune on batteries." JJ joked, not looking at Emily who was glaring at her as she went to her locker, "Seriously, Em. Carpe diem. Give it a go... What the hell? Garcia!"

Emily couldn't resist the urge to laugh as JJ held up her own blue bag.

"Carpe diem, Jayje" Emily mimicked back to her.

"Now girls, I know you're probably pissed about this" Garcia said holding her hands up in defeat, "But seriously my pretties, it's been a big dry spell for you sex wise."

"Not that long." Emily muttered, counting backwards in her head, "Only six months."

"I thought you were technically dead for seven?" JJ said with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah I met someone my first month in Paris," Emily muttered, "Girl had to do what a girl had to do."

"And you, blondie?" Garcia asked JJ.

"About three months." JJ told her, "Yeah Will and I hit a bad patch before we broke up. Should of seen it coming, because everytime we got close to being intimate I'd be picturing Leonardo DiCaprio."

"Well who wouldn't picture getting it on with him? Hell who wouldn't mind getting it thinking of him?" Garcia said, noticing their surprised looks, "Yes, even Garcia thinks of him while doing that too. There I admitted happy?"

Emily shook her head chuckling then looked back down at her bag, wondering.

"Now you don't have to worry about anything, but just know that these are just a back up in case..." Garcia said, "Now come on, Hotch is expecting us to help with a case."

Garcia walked out of the locker room, while JJ shoved hers back in her locker.

"I'm having serious thought to getting her committed." JJ told her, heading towards the door, "You coming?"

Emily looked up at her determined to do something different "I will in a second..."

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><p>Emily came out of the bathroom stall, shoving her bag in the locker and grabbing the remote and shoving it in her purse she rushed out of the door.<p>

Bumping into Anderson, she heard the man apologize as he helped her pick up her fallen items.

"Sorry, Agent Prentiss" Anderson said.

Realizing she's late, she grabs her stuff rushing off as she said, "Don't worry about it."

Anderson looks down seeing the remote, picks it up, "Oh hey, you forgot your... remote?"

Looking over the device, he peered down at the label with a raised eyebrow, "Huh."

Hotch stepped out of the locker room, "What's was that?"

Anderson looked down, at the remote, "Agent Prentiss dropped her stuff, and I... This must be hers too."

"I'll give that to her" Hotch said taking the small device, "What the hell is it?"

"That's actually a..." Anderson said biting his lip.

Hotch looked at the remote closely, "Oh, I got it."

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><p>Hotch walked into the break room, and got to work on preparing his profile.<p>

"We've got a the Michigan P.D. wondering about an unsub who's gone from peeping in windows to breaking and entering..."

Emily looked down at the tablet in front of her, sliding her finger across her stomach when she felt a vibration hit her.

"Oh my God." Emily muttered causing Morgan to look over at her.

"Are you all right?" Morgan whispered.

Biting her lower lip, she nodded, "Fine."

Going back to the tablet, she looked up trying to focus on the profile.

"And the locals are all ready putting out on the news, warning the public about the unsub." Garcia said, flicking the slide behind her.

Emily looked down at the tablet, looking over the photos, when she slightly lurched forward. She could feel the heat radiate in the pit of her stomach.

She felt like she'd been thoroughly pleasured, right down to the tingly sensation in her core, she gripped the tablet hard.

As her breathing became more harder, erratic she tried to control her panting.

"Oh." Emily murmured lightly, leaning forward as she felt the sensation reverberate through her nether region.

Turning her head to the side, she seen Hotch look over at her with a raised eyebrow.

"Something wrong, Prentiss?" Hotch asked, causing the team to look at her.

"Can you just give me one..." Emily said setting the tablet down, she picked up her purse.

Going through her purse, she murmured, "Shit. Where is it?"

"Prentiss?" Hotch said, "What are you looking for?"

"Nothing, nothing. Damn it." Emily said throwing her bag back down on the ground.

"Mm" Emily groaned lightly as she gripped the edge of the desk, clenching her fist as she banged her hand on it.

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><p>"Can we please get back to the profile?" Hotch said turning his attention back to Garcia, "Please continue."<p>

"Okay" Garcia said with a raised eyebrow, "This unsub strikes in the dead of night. Comes when it's least expected..."

"Jesus." Emily whispered to herself groaning in pleasure.

Dave looked over at Morgan who looked more amused then he'd ever seen the younger man when Emily grabbed his arm.

Emily's breath began to pant, as she tightened her grip on Morgan.

"Ouch" Morgan said, "Princess, as much as I'm loving this image, you're cutting off the circulation to my arm."

Emily released her grip on him, grabbing the desk as she bit her bottom lip to stifle the groan.

"Woo" Emily said, banging her hand on the desk as she breathed through the vibration which felt like it was kicked up a notch.

Dave chuckled, as he looked around at his team. JJ and Garcia were exchanging concerned glances, Morgan while rubbing his arm shook his head but Reid's look was priceless. He was absolutely confused.

"Emily? Are you sure you're all right?" Reid asked looking from her to the two whispering blondes.

Laughing as she kept hitting the desk, "Yes, yes, oh God yes."

Dave tried to hold back the smirk when he seen Reid's cheeks go pink and Morgan was just flat out laughing.

But for Dave, Hotch's face was the hardest to read he held no emotion as the mask was already in place.

"Uh, Hotch?" JJ said, "Can I please be excused."

Hotch's eyes went from the flustered Emily to the concerned JJ, and he nodded.

JJ rushed over to Emily's side whispering in her ear, and muttered, "Hurry."

Emily bit her lip as she felt her core drip with anticipation and nearing the edge, she tried to hold in the moan. She crossed her legs, while simultaneously tap her foot.

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><p>"Here gumdrop" Garcia said coming over to her, "Have a bottled water."<p>

"Like that could cool her down." Morgan snickered, "Ow."

Garcia blew on her hand then shook it from the sting of the slap.

"Thanks" Emily muttered, uncapping the bottle and sipping, "God, that's so good."

"You're telling me." Dave muttered, loosening his tie.

Emily stood up, "I'm going to... ooh... go to the bathroom. Garcia can you?"

"Sure thing." Garcia said.

Hotch looked over at her, "Ladies, we're in the middle of a profile. We can't just all decide to leave at any one time. Is it an urgent need?"

"Uh huh" Emily said biting her lip sitting down, "I can take it."

"The profile seems to indicate a white male in his mid thirties. And typically displayed as a loner." Reid said.

"Mm hmm" Hotch said, looking over at Emily, "Do you have anything to add?"

Grappling at the desk, "Uh um. Well the... the unsub despite being a classic loner, is attention seeking is a classic narcissistic personality. He's unlike anyone that we've ever seen before... He won't go down..."

Morgan snorted while Emily continued, "Without a fight. Um, he's so forceful" panting lightly she added, "And once confronted he'll be hard... to persuade. He won't go for the love of God ever stop."

Emily crossed her legs again as her knee kept hitting the table, a light moan escaped her lips.

"And classic narcissists know how to manipulate situations to fit their own needs..." Reid said.

"Yeah they do." Emily said excitedly, as she felt herself reaching the peak, grabbing onto Reid's hand, "Good boy."

Reid frowned, but Morgan knew what was happening and watched on in glee as he looked over at the other two men.

"Prentiss, are you all good?" Hotch asked looking her in the eye.

"Oh God, oh yeah." Emily moaned as she sighed leaning back in her chair, "Oh yeah, yeah, yes. All better."

Grabbing her water bottle, "All better now."

"Good" Hotch said, "I think that about clears everything up. We'll pass the profile along to the Michigan P.D."

Everyone got up except for Emily who held the cool water bottle against her forehead.

"Now that was a hell of a show." Morgan said, "I think I need a cigarette."

"You don't smoke mon ami." Garcia said patting Emily sympathetically on her shoulder.

"I think I'll take it up now." Morgan said wrapping an arm around her.

"Best show I've ever seen." Dave muttered to Emily, who rolled her eyes while trying to control her racing heart.

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><p>As she set the bottled water on the table, she grabs onto the desk, getting up and cursing herself for even thinking of wearing this little gift from Garcia.<p>

Turning around, she was about to leave but flinched when she seen Hotch suddenly appeared in the doorway.

"Hotch" Emily said surprised, trying to walk around him, "Excuse me."

Blocking her path, Hotch walked in while she moved backwards into the conference room.

"Emily" Hotch said, "Is there something you need to tell me?"

"Uh, about what?" Emily asked lamely, she knew how pathetic it sounded, even to her.

"About this?" Hotch said pulling the remote out of his suit pocket, "I think you lost this."

"You?" Emily said shocked and a touch of anger, looking up she glared at him, "You did that?"

Nodding, "I couldn't resist."

"Jesus, Hotch" Emily said grabbing the device out of his hands, "That was a shitty move."

Raising an eyebrow at her, "Well I hardly think it's the worst thing in the world... Besides you gave an enthusatic profile. Everyone loved it."

"All the men, you mean." Emily muttered shoving the remote in her bag, "Don't ever pull that again."

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><p>Emily moved towards the door, but Hotch grabbed her arm, "Don't."<p>

"What now?" Emily asked, "Want to go another round of drive Prentiss insane?"

Hotch pulled her in, "No. I'm... I wanted to be the one to do that to you, to make you come."

Emily pulled back, "What?"

Grabbing onto her tightly, he brought her close to him, "For months I've started noticing you. A change in you, and I've never felt like this for anyone before."

She didn't notice his hands moving to her waist, pulling her against his chest. He wrapped his hands around her waist keeping her close to him.

His mouth went to her neck as he nipped lightly on the ivory skinned brunette, "Mm, you taste so good."

Emily pulled back giving him a smirk, "You know you sound like some cheesy porno right now."

Pulling her into a kiss, "Who cares?"

The two battled for control over the kiss, "Mm, Hotch" Emily moaned as she let him dominate the kiss, "We shouldn't do this... not here."

Pulling back, he gave her a smirk, "Oh I plan to have my fun, but we'll just have to wait for tonight. Are you busy tonight?"

Emily raised an eyebrow at him, "Actually I do have plans."

"Oh" Hotch said deflating at that.

"I plan to make a certain, dark haired Alpha Male pay for putting me through..." Emily started only for him to cut her off with a kiss that caused her to lose all thoughts from her head, "Uh what did I say?"

"Gave you the best orgasm ever." Hotch finished with a glint of male pride.

"Uh huh" Emily said grabbing her bag, "We'll see about that."

Hotch watched as she left the conference room and said, "Oh we'll definitely will see about that. You can count on that."

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><p>"Humor is the instinct for taking pain playfully." Max Eastman<p>

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><p><strong>The End <strong>

Well I hope you all liked this, this was bordering on almost being smutty, but I think it's not quite there. Leave a review and let me know what you think.


	2. Oh, Is That Your Foot?

**Now That's What I Call Entertainment**

Disclaimer: CBS owns Criminal Minds, not me.

Summary: The team is stuck in a meeting with Strauss when someone's foot decides to come out to play...

A/N: I absolutely loved chapter one, and I did do this one loosely based on that, but it needed to be re-tweaked and I decided to post it together.

Thanks for reading, I do hope there will be some reviews left behind...

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><p>An African Proverb said, "Only a feet test the depth of the water with both feet."<p>

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><p>The team walked into the conference room, each with dread in their stomach. They all hated this time of the year.<p>

The one day where they can't control the environment they were in and the person they were going to be stuck in a room with. Strauss.

Emily took a seat far away from the Section Chief, nodding politely in the older woman's direction.

JJ followed soon behind taking a seat next to Emily and tightly smiling at her boss.

Garcia rushed in taking her usual seat safely guarding an empty spot for the man she cared about.

"Good afternoon, ma'am" Garcia said, not meeting her eyes.

Garcia had always privately teased that if you looked in Strauss' eyes you'd wind up turning into a pile of dust, though she'd never repeat it out loud, if she knew the woman in question was anywhere near by.

Hotch, Morgan and Dave strolled in together, "Ma'am" Hotch greeted taking a seat across from Emily trying to control his racing heart.

He loved it when Emily always dressed up, and today she was dressed up. They all were, this meeting was to be followed by a very important meeting with Strauss regarding the latest incident following a near miss with an unsub and the two female agents on his team. And whenever they had to speak regarding their actions it made everyone feel how they had no value with the Bureau.

Hotch hated being reminded that people were expendable. especially the people on his team, particularly the brunette who held his heart.

Despite the fact that they'd just became involved with each other, they both knew that there relationship needed to remain under wraps for awhile because they're still so new and because Strauss was a stickler for the rules.

But he'd enjoyed rigorously showing her just how much she meant to him, to each other. In various ways and after their relief they each would be satisfied with holding each other all night.

They both felt that same tension rising up in them but unfortunately for the two there was nothing they could do about it because they weren't alone, they were in the middle of a work day with their boss and team in the conference room.

"Where's Dr. Reid?" Strauss asked looking at their group.

Emily raised an eyebrow at that, she looked behind her and resisted the urge to chuckle when she seen their youngest agent rushing through the bullpen with his coffee in one hand and messenger bag in the other.

"Sorry I'm late..." Reid started as he paused seeing the unamused smirk of Strauss, "Ma'am."

"Dr. Reid" Strauss said nodding tensely as Reid took the available spot next to Garcia.

Clearing her throat, Strauss looked around at the assembled team, "All right, lets begin on the night of May fifteenth..."

Emily grimaced and she could hear Garcia sniffle a small sob as her hand squeezed her wrist.

"Agent Prentiss, is that correct?" Strauss said pulling the brunette from her inner monologue.

"Excuse me?" Emily asked trying to focus.

"After you the Unsub, Nathan Barons fled the scene you shot at him?" Strauss asked.

"Yes, ma'am." Emily said, "I shot him in the back thigh."

Emily didn't want to rehash this memory so she did what she did whenever Reid went into one of his ramblings and set her mind into different modes, Agent Prentiss mode and Emily mode.

She looked across from Hotch who was taking notes, while listening to Strauss and that's when it hit her, the idea to up their quirky romance stance.

She loved it when he pulled the most unusual tricks and she wanted to pull him off his game and release a little tension.

Emily schooled her features as she slipped off her flat heels and tapped her bare foot against his socked ankle and was relieved that it wasn't the ankle that was holstering his back up piece.

Hotch's eyes immediately went to her, watching her for a brief second before realizing he wasn't alone and he couldn't do what he really wanted to do which was to have his way with her on this very table.

He knew Strauss would fire him for that even though he was pretty sure that Morgan and Dave would be cheering him on.

Tilting his head to the side, he tried not to chuckle at that. He wished that could also remove his shoe but he tapped his foot against hers.

Emily kept her eyes trained on Strauss who she realized was questioning Morgan for being complicit in her open firing in a crowd.

Moving her foot up the bottom of the pants leg of his works slacks Hotch cleared his throat not missing the way everyone watched him.

"Agent Hotchner?" Strauss said pulling the man out of his fantasy, "Would you like me to repeat the question?"

"No need ma'am" Hotch said blindingly grasping at words, "I think you pretty much covered it."

Strauss raised an eyebrow at that, as she continued her boring lecture and the most recent efforts of the solved case not realizing what was happening between her agents.

Hotch looked down when he noticed Emily's foot creeping up his leg, landing on his lap. Her foot moved up to his thigh, wiggling her toes against him making him bit his lip to resist the urge to moan.

Emily kept her eye on Strauss as her foot traveled farther up him towards his crotch and her foot tapped against it causing Hotch to jerk forward and groan out.

All eyes went back on Hotch, while Strauss raised an eyebrow at him, "Aaron are you all right?"

"Never been better" Hotch said sipping the glass of water in front of him.

Emily's foot lightly danced against the slight bulge in his pants, his free hand going underneath the round table and grabbed onto the foot.

Hotch shot a challenging look at Emily whose gaze left Strauss.

Hotch's free hand held the foot against his problem area, and as she massaged him with her foot, his own hand tickled the small foot.

Emily bit the inside of her cheek as she felt his hand caress the skin, and rubbed her to make her continue on with her original task.

Her foot kept on it's rigorous work, while Hotch felt his breathing becoming erratic as he sipped at his glass.

"Would you agree with that hypothesis Agent Hotchner?" Strauss asked, "Do you think it actually helped?"

"Yes," Hotch said gripping the glass, "People believe in it and... it felt so good."

Morgan and Dave shot each other glances, while Hotch let go of the glass to rubbed his forehead.

The heel of her foot rubbed circular motions against his crotch, he watched her as his stomach tightens and he bit the inside of his cheek.

"Agent Morgan," Strauss said, "You initiated this when you spotted the fleeing unsub correct?"

"That's correct, ma'am" Morgan said, raising an eyebrow when he heard Hotch lightly chuckle.

Emily pressed her heel onto him, as she moved her foot counter clockwise hearing him groan lightly.

"Agent Hotchner?" Strauss asked, "Are you sure you're all right? You look flushed."

"No, I'm good" Hotch said, "I'm all good."

Feeling that sensation hit his stomach Hotch closed his suit jacket and said, "Ma'am if you'll excuse me for a brief moment."

Strauss' eyes widened at that, as he rushed out of the break room to his office, hearing the door slam shut.

"Well I wonder what that was all about?" Emily said shrugging as she slipped her foot back into her shoe.

They heard Hotch cough and the Emily got up, "Maybe I should check on him, ma'am?"

"Very well Agent," Strauss said looking at her watch, "Make it quick, we don't have all day."

Emily walked out of the conference room towards Hotch's as she knocked, "It's Emily..."

The door unlocked and then re-slammed, while in the conference room, JJ looked over at Morgan with a suspicious eyebrow raise.

"What?" Morgan asked leaning in, while Strauss was preoccupied with her notes.

"Don't play footsies with me," JJ told Morgan, "Because as sweet as it was, you're so not my type."

Morgan leaned back with confusion on his face, "What? I haven't done anything."

"What?" JJ asked looking over at Reid then Dave, "Nope not me either."

"Maybe it was Hotch?" Garcia asked the trio of profilers pausing then looking at each other, then they all laughed.

"What's so funny?" Hotch asked coming back in looking more relaxed, looking at Emily as he took a seat.

"Eh, I'll tell you later" Dave said smirking at his friends, then raised an eyebrow when he looked over at Emily, suspicious but thrilled for the two.

"Can we finish up?" Strauss asked going over her notes then zeroing in on Garcia.

Emily looked at Hotch then the team, she raised an eyebrow wiggling it, while Hotch shook his head smiling.

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><p>"It takes a big man to cry, but an even bigger man to laugh at it." Jack Handy<p>

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><p><strong>The End<strong>

Well I hope you all enjoyed this, I know I did. Leave a review and let me know. And there will be no sequel, sorry.


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